Last night I went over to a lady friend’s house, ostensibly to hook up. When I realized that she was far too drunk to be making any decisions, we said goodnight and I slept on the couch. Didn’t even kiss.
There were some pretty funny nuances to the story, so I told a few female friends about it. The response that I got from all of them was “Thanks for being such a great guy!” or “Wow! That was such a good thing for you to do!” After I heard that for the third time I started feeling pretty profoundly disturbed.
How the fuck does not taking advantage of a drunk girl make me a “great guy”? Is it because most guys would have done something questionable in that situation? I shudder to think of the answer to that question. Not taking advantage of someone should make me a “normal guy.” At most.
Why should I be proud of myself? I’m never proud of myself for drinking a cup of coffee or putting on a sweater. We are fucking ill as a culture when not raping someone is something so fantastically foreign and atypical for a man to do that he receives surprised praise from others. I don’t deserve any special treatment or congratulations for “doing the right thing.” No one does. It shouldn’t even have to be qualified as the “right” thing to do. It should just be the thing you do.
Acknowledging that my straight male privilege could very easily make me a little late in the game in thinking about this stuff that so many people do not have the luxury of avoiding, I want to make a plea to my fellow men in this world: Fellas, we need to step up our game so that we can break through the cynical miasma surrounding rape culture and confront this shit head on. I don’t like living in a culture where people are pleasantly surprised that a man didn’t take advantage of a woman. We need to be working towards a world where not violating and taking advantage of people is something so natural that no one would even feel the need to comment or compliment in the first place. Peace.
Reblogged from Randomness.
January 15, 2012, 11:13am Comments
